I can feel the trembling energy of potential in my veins. I wonder if the strength of the quake will be proportionate to how many points it scored. Maybe I should cheat again, and pick out the letters I need to spell SLASH or SLAY. I am awed by the power of the letters, and frustrated that I cannot wield it. My rack is AQWEUK, plus the B in my mouth. My wife plays CAUTION, using a blank tile for the N. An insect, buzzing around above the Scrabble board, surfing the thermals from the tepid cup of tea. I sit back in my chair and close my eyes, waiting for the sensation of rising up from my chair. That doesn't leave me with a lot of options. Something unlikely, to prove that the letters are making it happen. I have to play something and see if it happens. My wife plays SIGN, with the N on a triple-letter, for 10 points. ![]() And ZAP when my wife got the electric shock. And before, I played the word CHEATING when I cheated. ![]() I played the word EXPLODES, and it happened - the air conditioning unit exploded. I don't believe it - but it can't be a coincidence. My heart is racing, but not from the shock of the bang. That'll show her.Īs I put the last letter down, there is a deafening bang and the air conditioning unit fails. If only there was some way for me to get rid of her. And then she bitched at me for being moody the next day from lack of sleep. She slept through an argument our next-door neighbours had that resulted in a broken door, a smashed TV and a Teletubby Lala doll with all the stuffing coming out. I try to make murderous words with the letters on my rack, but the best I can do is SLEEP. The steam rising from her cup of tea makes me feel hotter. She plays IGNORE on the triple-word for 21 points. 64 points, including the 50-point bonus, which means I'm beating her now. She sits back down with her cup of tea, making a cup-ring on the table, as I play an 8-letter word: CHEATING, using the A of READY. I steal a blank tile from the letter bag when she's not looking, and throw back a V from my rack. She plays READY on a double-word for 18 points, then goes to pour herself a cup of tea. As the whistle builds it makes me feel hotter. Then I sigh, deeply, and sit back into my chair. The rage gets to my fingertips and passes. Some inner poison slowly spreading through my limbs, and when it gets to my fingertips I am going to jump out of my chair, spilling the Scrabble tiles over the floor, and I am going to start hitting her again and again and again. I feel a terrible rage build up inside me. She sits back down with a heavy sigh and starts fiddling with her letters again. I play ZAPS, with the Z doubled, and she gets a static shock off the air conditioning unit. It's the hottest day for ten years and my wife is turning on the kettle. She plays FAN, with the F on a double-letter, and gets up to fill the kettle and turn on the air conditioning. The U makes a little splash of saliva when I put it down. HUMID on a double-word score, using the D of JINXED. As soon as that thought crosses my mind, I find a good word. If it wasn't too hot to move I would strangle her right now. She plays SWEATIER, using all her letters. I hope that if they are bees, they fly into my wife's throat. My cousin Harold swallowed a bee when he was nine, his throat swelled up and he died. The heat of the sun is pushing at me through the window. If they spell out KILL, or STAB, or her name, or anything, I'll do it right now. I play WARMER for 22 points, mainly so I can keep chewing on my U.Īs I'm picking new letters from the bag, I find myself thinking - the letters will tell me what to do. If only I had a D, then I could play MURDER. She plays JINXED, with the J on a double-letter score. I'd be sailing the Vendee Globe on a 60-foot clipper called the New Horizons - I don't know, but I'd be doing something. I'd be starring in the latest Hollywood blockbuster. If she wasn't around, I'd be doing something interesting right now. I watch my wife's smug expression as she rearranges her letters. On Thursday morning I spoke to the milkman. ![]() I don't think I've spoken to anyone except my wife since Thursday morning. I should be out, doing exercise, spending money, meeting people. I'm 42 years old, it's a blistering hot Sunday afternoon and all I can think of to do with my life is to play Scrabble.
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